God? Are you there?

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts,
And day after day have sorrow in my heart?

I read Psalm 13 about 10 times last night. It was one of those nights.

As I read the words above, all I could do was cry and get angry at God. I sympathised with David when he wrote the Psalm, with that feeling of knowing God is there but not understanding why He does not take away the pain. Why some seem to go their entire lives with no real problems while others  experience troubles, abandonment and heartbreak their entire lives. Why some are born into wealth, love and opportunity while others never experience anything more than poverty, sickness and hatred.
Why he lets some people experience joy and happiness while others quietly die inside.

These are the questions that run through my mind and the ones I cannot answer. However, as I was upset and feeling angry at God last night, I realised what a significant step I had taken. For a while during my struggles, I had stopped thinking about and talking to God altogether. I was almost at the point of denying His existence, because I just couldn't comprehend how someone that amazing and loving could exist while there was such hurt in the world. I realise now, as much as I struggle, I am turning to anger towards Him, an acknowledgement of His power and control. At the moment, I think this is as good as it will get.